So this is my first blog post Africa... it has not been so easy getting back into the swing of things here in Chatty. I mean first day back I worked 10 hours and then had some great Calvary friends over to hang and hear about the trip. Day 2 I worked 10 hours and then a friend came over and hung. Day 3 I worked 10 hours and then a friend came over and hung. Day 4...9 hours of work and then to Calvary for a concert and then Needtobreathe concert. Saturday was a fast paced non stop day with shopping, decorating Kids Live room, and getting the Singles Bonfire going until bedtime. Sunday was non stop as well with church, running around, Single Worship practice, Singles Worship, then some people came over. I say all that to say that last week I barely had time to even process the trip or the lasting mental and spiritual strain, for lack of better words, that it put on me.
This week has proven to be much different... work has been much slower giving me much time to my mind and heart. The evenings have been lower key too providing the same to where yesterday I was really struggling, burdened and weary. I led worship last night for the Singles Small Group Bible Study and was heavy hearted and emotional which I am quite often but this was more than usual. I also struggled with being the social butterfly that is Kyle Hawkins, this is strange.
I say all that to say it has proven to be more difficult than anticipated assimilating myself. I am not even saying that Africa, in of itself, is so heavy on my heart that it has been the cause of this. I am not saying that God put such a burden on my heart for Africa that I am missing the place or people, though I completely enjoyed myself. Moreso that God re-ignited my passion to preach, sing, minister, evangelize, encourage, etc and coming back here to the mundane everyday engineering and just hanging out in the evenings is killing me softly and slowly. I know that God gave me this job, and for that I am thankful, and I know that God's ways are not our ways and He knows better than I and that I may never get to do ministry to the capacity that I would love to with every fiber of my being...I know the verses, I know the Christianese statements...I know that my work is my mission field...I know...but it is still hard.
I will keep on keeping on... keep on serving Him in every way that I can, wherever I can, doing whatever I can, with and to whomever I can... keep on growing closer to Him... keep on learning more about Him... keep on waiting on Him to do whatever He wants whenever He wants with whomever He wants... I love my Lord with all my heart, body, and soul and cannot wait to see His will unfold but until then...
Thank you so much for partnering with me on this great adventure... thank you so much for praying for me and please don't stop now just because I am back because I may need it more now then I did...
In Christ,
KYLE
